


Time to Move On

by Casey_K



Series: Realisations and Reparations [3]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Steve's Pov, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 00:36:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3189209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casey_K/pseuds/Casey_K
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve doesn't understand what is going on, he only knows that Danny has had enough of him. Danny has been the only thing keeping Steve from going back to active duty. Now Danny has made his feelings clear there's nothing to stop Steve from leaving...for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to Move On

**Author's Note:**

> Thought it would be an interesting exercise to see this from Steve's POV. 
> 
> Not beta'd  
> Don't own them
> 
> Deep breaths required :P

Steve sat hunched over his desk in the office. It didn’t matter how many times he played the last week in his head he could not, for the life of him, figure out what had gone wrong. He clamped his hand on the desk to stop it shaking. His hands had been doing that on and off lately, like they were telling him to do something but he just didn’t know what. Perhaps he should just pin Danny down and have it out with him. But then he’d tried that. Had lost count of the number of times he’d subtly moved the conversation in the right direction only to be shut down with such vehemence he’d been scared Danny would just walk out. He’d tried the ‘come over for a beer’ root, but had been met with looks to shrivel a Jedi and it’s not as though he’d have known what to say if Danny had agreed. 

His mind replayed over and over the afternoon in the car where they’d both admitted how they felt. Steve was sure he hadn’t imagined it. Danny had clearly said he wanted to make a go of things, wanted to get serious, all Steve had to do was end his thing with Cath. Steve had done that, had packed Cath off to active duty with a ‘thank you and good luck’, and yet Danny was treating him like a pariah. What else did the guy want? And let’s face it, all he had to do was say, because Steve would give it, would gladly give his life, his heart, his left fucking kidney if Danny would just tell him what the hell was going on and why…why after Steve had done everything Danny had asked off him, he was now getting the cold shoulder. It was more than he could bear. Everyone in his life had left. Everyone had found greener pastures and decided Steve wasn’t worth the effort. Even Cath had taken the news he was ending things with a smile, and an air of relief that she was finally free of him. Everyone except Danny. So what had changed?

“You okay, brah?” Steve looked up to see Chin standing in the doorway. 

“No, no I’m not.”

“Danny’ll come around, Steve. He always does.”

“Not this time, Chin. This time it’s different. He’s pulling away and I don’t know what to do.” Chin had cottoned on a long time ago how Steve felt about Danny. He’d confronted him about it and Steve couldn’t see the point in trying to hide it. Chin had advised Steve to tell him but Steve hadn’t listened and now look at the mess he was in. “Just tell me what to do. I can’t…” Steve rubbed his hands over his face as his eyes filled. “I don’t know if I can make it without him, Chin.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Steve sat up and gestured for Chin to take a seat. 

“Why now?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You mentioned the other day that Danny had said he felt the same about you, that you were going to start something.”

Steve leaned forward on his desk and thought back yet again to the conversation. “Yeah, he got mad with me...”

“Nothing new there.” Chin was smiling when Steve looked up and he shared a small grin. It was one of the things he loved about Danny; he didn’t take any shit, put Steve in his place and told him how it was. “What was he mad about, can you remember?”

“You think that’s what this is about, that I’ve missed something he said?”

“Danny is a complicated guy. And deep. It could be something he thinks is important that didn’t pop up on your radar.”

“Okay.” Steve racked his brain to remember the context of Danny’s admission. “He’d taken a call from Grace, said Christmas was going to be miserable. I invited him to come to my house but he refused.” Steve threw his hands in the air. This was ridiculous. He should just ask him and be done with it. 

“Did he give a reason?”

“He didn’t want to have to see me with Catherine. That’s when he said he loved me. I said it back and tried to kiss him.” Steve looked over at Chin and blushed. “He dodged me, said he wouldn’t start anything until I ended it with Cath. He said he’d only be interested in something exclusive and serious. He said I couldn’t break off the holiday plans we’d made but that when she left we would talk.”

“And?”

“And so I finished with Cath, she left, and he now won’t give me the fucking time of day let alone sit down and talk with me.”

Chin was about to say something when Kono jogged over to the door. “Hey, guys, HPD has got a serious situation with armed units. They haven’t called us, but Steve,” he knew it was bad by the look on her face alone, “they’re at Danny’s building.”

The blood in Steve’s veins ran cold. _Danny._ He was out of the door before he heard another word from either of them. Danny wasn’t answering his phone. “Pick up, you fucking asshole. Now is not the time to ignore me for no damn reason what so ever.” 

It took too long, but eventually Steve turned into Danny’s road. As he approached the scene, he caught a glimpse of Danny, looking slightly frazzled and fucking gorgeous, weaving through the HPD vehicles. He slammed on the brakes, bumped the curb and jumped out of the truck, calling to Danny as he did so. He cursed when Danny kept walking. No time to play it coy. He tackled Danny into a hug and just held on. He was okay. Everything was okay. _Fuck._ But the next thing he knew, Danny was pushing him away and saying stuff that made no sense. “My what is not what, now?”

“Go away, McGarrett. HPD does not need you. I do not need you. Fuck off back to…just go away.” Danny pushed Steve out of the way completely and walked off. Steve wanted to grab him, to shout and demand to know what sick fucking game he thought he was playing but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say anything, he could only follow like the lost puppy dog he felt he was fast becoming. And then he got mad. Who the fuck did Danny think he was talking to? He may decide he could throw Steve’s heart back in his face after he’d so kindly asked for it, along with the exclusive rights he’d demanded but this was police business. Danny was out of line.

“Danny, I don’t know what your problem is, _again_ , but you don’t get to dismiss me from a crime scene. You seem to have forgotten I’m the lead on your team, and therefore your boss.”

Danny just waved a hand behind him and mumbled, “Whatever.” Steve cursed under his breath. Perhaps he should just kiss him, pin him against the car again and kiss him until he stopped resisting. But that was a plan that only worked in your head, and Steve’s confidence was badly shaken. It was becoming plainly obvious that Danny could barely stand Steve’s presence anymore. And yet Steve was still there, following, and he would continue to do so until he got Danny to explain. 

Danny stopped at the edge of the huddle of people who were obviously planning and directing. “Hi, I’m—”

“We’re 5-0,” Steve blurted over him in a moment of panic. He wanted Danny to know he wasn’t going anywhere. “Anything we can do?”

“I wasn’t aware we called you, Commander McGarrett.” The woman glared at him. Great, that was all he needed, someone else who hated his very existence. “Agent Harris, FBI.” She held her hand out and Steve took it, along with the stern ‘stay out of my way’ glare before she turned to Danny and gave him a glorious smile. “If he’s McGarrett that must make you Detective Williams.” 

“Detective Sargent Williams, but you can call me Danny. I haven’t got used to the Sargent bit myself, makes it such a mouthful.” She lingered on Danny’s handshake and Steve felt his hackles rise. “I’m sorry to barge in like this, but uh, I happen to live in the building.” He turned to point at his door. “Right next door, actually, to your little party. Is there anything I can do for you, Agent Harris?”

“Kira, please. Aren’t I the lucky one? I’m already on your doorstep; do I get your number too?” Steve growled. Seriously? She was seriously hitting on him during a full on armed situation. Danny gave a light chuckle and it was all Steve could do not slap handcuffs on him and drag him away.

“I’ll see what I can do.” _He’ll see what he can do?_ Steve wanted to walk away but at the same time he couldn’t. It was like watching a train wreck. The train wreck of his love life and there would be no survivors. “But first,” Danny continued, “perhaps you’d like to tell me why you are preparing to shoot my elderly neighbour?”

“Elderly? We have the address listed for one Jason Karvell, wanted for questioning in the murders of five women over the last ten years across the mainland. I’ve been chasing this guy for some time.”

“No, that’s Mrs Walters. I don’t think I know a Jason. Oh, wait…there is a Jason. Mid thirties, five-nine, dark hair?”

“That sounds like the suspect.” Harris showed Danny a photo and Steve looked over his shoulder. He’d seen the guy around when he’d been at Danny’s but he didn’t know which of the pokey units he lived in. Steve never had liked the building. He knew he should have made Danny move in with him. Steve felt sick with the realisation Danny had been living in the same building as a serial killer. If he’d have found out Danny was Law Enforcement, he could have broken in and...Steve clenched his fists.

“He lives on the other side of the building,” Danny said. “If he is your suspect, he’ll have been able to skip out as soon as he heard the commotion.”

“Are you sure?”

“Wait, one minute.” Danny walked up to his neighbour’s door. Steve had gone to stop him, but Danny’s determination to blank Steve’s existence cut deep. What the fuck was he going to do?

“Why are you here, McGarrett?” Harris asked. There was something in her tone that put Steve on edge. Steve didn’t take his eyes off Danny marching into a potentially life threatening situation without as much as a vest.

“May I remind you, Agent Harris, you are on my turf, and you would do well to remember your manners.” He heard her scoff. “Especially when you have just allowed a senior member of my team to approach a hostile situation without so much as a briefing and a fucking _vest._ If anything happens to him, even if it’s a flesh wound, or a splinter in his finger, I will have your badge.” He looked over at her. She looked much paler than she had a moment before, and a little less confident. “Are we clear?”

“Crystal.”

“Good. Now back the fuck off.”

“Of what? You may rule the roost around here as far as field work goes, but the last I checked you can’t stipulate who your team members get involved with.”

Steve snorted. “You think Danny will be interested in you? Go right ahead. I’m interested to see how far you get before you fall flat on your face.”

“I was told you were an arrogant bastard. Seems the rumours about you and Williams are true too. Well, I’ll take that wager, McGarrett. I’ll let you know how he rates in the sack too, if you like, but then I guess you already know that, don’t you?”

Steve stepped in closer and dropped his voice so the other officers straining to hear their conversation wouldn’t get lucky. “Danny is not a fucking bet, do you hear me? Use him, make any kind of reference to him in bed to _anyone_ , and I will end you.” 

“Ooo, I’m so scared.”

Steve was about to get a little more physical when Danny appeared. “He’s in my place. Apparently. Neighbour saw him climbing in the back.” 

Steve’s nostrils flared. “What have I told you about securing your place, Danny? He could have killed you in your sleep.”

“Shut. Up.” Danny clapped the fingers of one hand together and Steve huffed. There was glimmer of the old Danny and then he shut it down and Steve felt his hands start to shake again. “How do you want to proceed? Shall I go in and get him?”

Steve wanted to step in and say no, but he was still reeling from Harris wanting to get into Danny’s pants, and making reference to rumours about their relationship. A relationship that was falling apart before it’d had even got started. 

“You want we go in together?” She waggled her eyebrows and Danny actually laughed. Steve couldn’t believe Danny was falling for it.

Steve saw the grin Danny gave her and knew he was in trouble. “Let’s do it,” Danny added.

“You’re inviting me into the bedroom and we haven’t even had drinks.” She winked at Danny and they moved to the back of one of the squad cars and started to gear up. “Whatever next, Detective?”

“Oh, I’m just full of surprises.”

“I bet you are.”

What was going on? This wasn’t supposed to happen. Steve had come here to make sure Danny was okay and to talk things out, to get things started. Danny wasn’t supposed to be flirting with some FBI Agent who was intent on fucking him and advertising it to the world along with a rating. “If you two have finished your little mating dance,” Steve said through gritted teeth. “I would like to inform you how ludicrous this is. You have a dozen HPD officers in full kit who could lead,” he looked at Danny, “why are you putting yourselves in danger and going in with just a vest?”

“Nobody asked you, Commander.” Steve vowed to look into this woman’s file. There was something off in the unnecessary vitriol she was sending his way.   
“It’s my place, Steve.” Finally, a Danny Steve could recognise. “I know the layout, the potential blind spots.” 

“It’s a two room hole, Danny. There are no blind spots.” Steve knew he’d blown it with the sad look on Danny’s face. Maybe they didn’t have a future after all. Maybe they shouldn’t even try. It would never be plain sailing for them. They would always be misinterpreting each other or saying the wrong thing. Was there really any point putting themselves through it?

“And for that comment, you get to wait in the car. Thank you, Steven, again, for your unsolicited opinion on my living arrangements.”

Danny turned his back finished gearing up shoulder to shoulder with Harris. “Is he always like that?” she asked quietly, but still loud enough for Steve to hear so she could push the knife in deeper. 

“You have no idea.” It was the last straw for Steve. His chest hurt from the strain of holding his breath and trying to keep himself together and Danny didn’t even care. He was oblivious to Steve’s anguish, had struck Steve off as a lost cause without so much as an explanation or a hint as to what Steve had done wrong. 

Steve walked back to his truck. He couldn’t’ even wait for the outcome. Danny was a good primary, he wouldn’t get himself shot. Maybe he’d get Harris shot. That, Steve could certainly live with, except of course he couldn’t. He berated himself for even thinking it. He had to get away. He needed to take a step back and regroup. Some fucking new year this was turning out to be. He’d gone from thinking the impossible was going to become a reality, to having his confessions of love thrown back in his face. This was exactly why he’d avoided falling in love. He knew he wasn’t cut out for it. He didn’t understand the intricacies of intimate interactions enough to be able to hold anything of any worth together. 

He was driving away from the scene of his latest heartbreak before he even knew where he was going. Maybe this was the end of civilian life for him. He certainly couldn’t see himself continuing with things the way they were. The only reason he’d stayed so long was for Danny, and with him pulling away… It would be easy for Steve to ask for a deployment. Danny was more than capable of running 5-0 with Chin and Kono. 5-0 didn’t need Steve anymore, Danny certainly didn’t, which meant things had come full circle and Steve was back to square one with nobody needing him and that’s why he’d enlisted in the first place. 

He’d speak to Chin first, but then he’d make the call to the Governor. Without Danny, there was no reason to stick around. It was time for Steve to move on.

**Author's Note:**

> The next one will see a turn around... I can feel it in my bones.


End file.
